And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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