You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
