He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
