News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
third nipple confirmed
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
