I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
