I'm so fucking centered right now
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize