he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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