Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
