guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
