dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
dude. I can hear the air.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
