I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
