When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
