So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
