I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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