at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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