Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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