1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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