New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
