he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
