Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
