I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you would pick up someone in the library
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
