We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It all started with a game of naked twister.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
