Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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