btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
