I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
