Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
