I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
where am i from again
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
