and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
