Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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