Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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