I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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