There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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