I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
