I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
