You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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