You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
