I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
