Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
