I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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