I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
