I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
