It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Randomize
