I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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