ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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