He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
