So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
