I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
