Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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