I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
