we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
