stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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