normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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