im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
