Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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