just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
